Absolutely mental weekend 1: Ashley Cole SHOOTS someone
No, Amir! Don’t do it! Remember Gareth Gates!
You’ve been happy before, right? Well remember back to the happiest you’ve ever been. Multiply it by about a million trillion and try to imagine what that feels like.
That feeling is probably close to how News of the World reporter Daniel Sanderson felt when he was listening to a phone tap* and heard:
“Ashley Cole has shot a work experience student!”
It’s usual for work experience kids to face some gentle ribbing on occasion. In fact, the Spoiler’s dozens of slaves can’t go a day without someone at HQ throwing a boiling cup of tea in their face or sending them to the shops for a tin of tartan paint – the enthusiastic idiots.
But even we draw the line at SHOOTING someone. Surely having to put up with BANTER from John Terry is enough?
Anyway, Cole faces being investigated by the actual police for the incident and looks set to pay a £250,000 fine for taking his toy into work when it wasn’t the last day of term.
We should point out that it was an air rifle and that Cole didn’t think it was loaded, but f*cking hell – apart from a poacher or sniper – who takes a gun into work?
There are so many brilliant things to take from the story -the sheer joy with which the NOTW reported it, the Gunner jokes, and the excellent picture captions, including:
“Controversial: Ashley Cole allegedly shot work experience student.”
Controversial would seem to sum it up pretty well. The Spoiler also liked this one that pointed out the conker-sized pellet pictures were ‘bigger than actual size’…
Oh, and it’s safe to say that our little poll we ran a few weeks ago may have a slightly different outcome now…
* That is definitely a joke, Mr Murdoch.