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Chris Smalling is just like a young Rio Ferdinand… Sort of

Chris Smalling – b@stard

The Spoiler has recently been getting all nostalgic for the golden days of Rio Ferdinand. Braids! A missed drugs test! An Ayia Napa sex tape! Those were the days…

It’s all a bit boring now, what with his Twitterings and online magazine and snazzy shoes and stuff. If only there was a promising young centre-half at Manchester United who looks calm and composed on the pitch, but is a bit of a LAD off it…

Hang on a minute… What’s this in The Sun..?

According to the Rupert Murdoch-owned comic (what isn’t owned by Murdoch nowadays? Ay, Mr Hunt?), United defender Chris Smalling had the audacity to have a few friends back to his London hotel room in the swanky May Fair and made a bit of noise. The b@stard.

The Sun

“Lanky Smalling invited a bunch of pals and a bevy of beauties into his sumptuous £2,000-a-night suite.

“And the dozen-strong group got stuck into a noisy, booze-fuelled bash during which a wardrobe was damaged and other guests disturbed. It only ended at 4.30am yesterday after furious hotel bosses called a halt.”

Apparently he racked up a £2,400 room service bill – which is probably the equivalent of The Spoiler eating the Toblerone from the fridge – and invited “not the sort of women who are welcome” at the hotel, back to the hotel.

So, in summary, a 21-year-old footballer has a few friends around to his hotel room, buys some drinks, makes a bit of noise with the sound system that the hotel supplied (get limiters on it, May Fair) and then apologises by paying for the room of the people who complained.

Charlie Sheen doesn’t have anything to worry about. Actually, the young Rio Ferdinand doesn’t even have anything to worry about.

DO you know the girls? Call The Sun on 020 7782 4103 or email

2 responses so far
  • joey // March 3, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    after i put the sun into my pet parakeets cage the shittyness of it doesnt change. amazing

  • Coolface // March 7, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Footballers fart; Rupe’s papers are there to get a good lungfull and guess at what they ate for dinner.

    Good work on letting us know about Cashley shooting someone though. Presumably it will be him, not the paper, making the payout this time.

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