England are playing! Channel your excitement with a prediction contest!

Five teasing questions, only one winner (unless there’s a tie…)

Scott Parker

The Spoiler can’t decide what’s worse: the thought of two practically football-free months, or the fact that the exception to such a barren period is an uninspiring England game at Wembley?

It should be the first, but despite top spot in Euro 2012 qualifying Group G still being up for grabs, nobody would blame you for forgetting that the Three Lions are even in action this weekend.

Even we’ve been more preoccupied with waiting for our invite to goalkeeper David Stockdale’s wedding, especially if it meant the opportunity to share a frost-filled row with Mark Hughes and Mohamed Al-Fayed at the ceremony.

Their latest opponents are Switzerland, and the signs aren’t great for the visitors, who last beat England 30 years ago, have never done so at Wembley and have failed to win every qualifier in this campaign that wasn’t at home to Wales.

With dreadful omens like that, it does of course mean that the press will get another chance to stick the boot into Fabio Capello if England fail to win by three or four, so at least someone will be happy.

We were going to do the probable line-up thing but decided that there aren’t enough areas of contention to even drum up interest in the match that way.

Instead, here are a few questions about the game to answer in the box below, with whoever scores highest earning the honour of being recognised as The Spoiler’s most learned reader when it comes to drab England fixtures, a prize you’ll surely agree that is better than any material reward…

  1. What will be the average age (to the nearest whole figure) of the starting line-up of this exciting, young, completely-revamped-since-South-Africa England team be?
  2. Will England’s new saviour Scott Parker, fresh from bossing a Wales midfield featuring Andres Iniesta and Xavi Andrew Crofts and Andy King, again single-handedly transform the Three Lions from World Cup also-rans to Euro 2012 contenders? Predict his News of the World match rating (out of 10).
  3. Will Capello maintain his secret plan to tempt Robert Green into retirement by excluding him from the matchday squad of 18?
  4. Is Aston Villa and England’s beautiful relationship set to continue? Three of England’s five goals in 2011 have been scored by Villa players. How many will they net against Switzerland? Ashley Young still qualifies as one for now.
  5. In what minute will the much-loved England Supporters Band set pulses racing with the first version of Rule Britannia? The Spoiler’s say will be final on this one based on when it is first heard on ITV’s coverage.

If this takes off, The Spoiler will add our guesses below too. If not, the memory of this contest will be banished even swifter than those of the actual match!

6 responses so far
  • Rhodri // June 3, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    8 playing a role similar to that of Sergio Busquets in Champs League final
    who wouldn’t take Scott Loach over Green?
    Ashley Young will be too busy signing for Liverpool so none
    17 minutes before the anthems

  • RV // June 3, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    Average age 25.2
    Scott Parker 7
    Villa goals – none
    12th minute

  • CK // June 3, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Average age 26
    Scott Parker 0 (won’t play)
    Green will be in 18
    Villa goals 2
    4th minute

  • NH // June 3, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    Average age 24
    Scott parker 8
    Green won’t be in 18
    No Villa goals
    7th minute

  • danny // June 3, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    1- 23
    2- 9 (undeservedly, but this is the N.O.T.W)
    3- We can only hope so
    4- Nil, some spurs player will get there first.
    5- 22nd min.

  • Michael Lintorn // June 3, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Thanks for the replies. Here are The Spoiler’s picks…

    1 – 27
    2 – 8
    3 – Green will be in the 18
    4 – 1
    5 – 8th

Leave a comment
  1. View comments in RSS feed