The Spoiler Awards – Hero of the Year
Not even in the shortlist…
What is heroism? The Oxford English dictionary describes it thusly…
1. The qualities or attributes of a hero or heroine: He showed great heroism in battle.
2. Heroic conduct; courageous action: Pat’s returning into the burning building was true heroism.
Now, with The Spoiler’s old English teacher spinning in her grave because she told us never to start an essay with a dictionary definition, or finish a story with ‘… and I woke up and it was just a dream’, we’re going to look at the brave men and women who made 2010/11 such an eye-watering success…
In pure footballing terms, it’s hard to look beyond the holy trinity of Andres Iniesta, Xavi and Lionel Messi. Good, aren’t they?
Elsewhere, Zlatan Ibrahimovic took time out from kicking people in the head to win his zillionth title in a row, Cristiano Ronaldo scored about a zillion goals and Walter Smith signed off at Rangers with yet another Scottish title.
More seriously, Eric Abidal’s recovery from liver cancer to play in the Champions League final was absolutely goose-pimple-enducingly brilliant. It was made even more impressive by the fact Abidal was able to not only play the full 90 minutes, but that he did it with Antonio Valencia locked tightly in his pocket… ahem… MOVING ON!
In England, Sir Alex Ferguson surpassed Liverpool’s record of 19 titles while, at the other end of the table, Roberto Martinez kept Wigan in the Premier League with a piffling budget and a desire to play football the right way. He also did it quietly, professionally and without a hint of the Ian Holloways about him.
Kenny Dalglish came in at Liverpool and showed he’s able to inspire more passion and devotion than Jesus ever could, while Roy Hodgson also finished the season brilliantly at West Brom and deserves proper props for doing so.
However, this is The Spoiler and because of this, there can only be one Hero of the Year…
HERO OF THE YEAR – MARIO BALOTELLI
It had to be didn’t it? The only thing that could potentially have scuppered his bid for the title was the fact that we’d have to spend half-an-hour inserting hyperlinks into all the stuff he’s managed to cram into his debut season.
He’s… (deep breath)… tried to break into a women’s prison, thrown darts at children, helped a child who was being bullied, gave money to a homeless guy, gave the best answer EVER to a policeman, annoyed the Man Utd mob, was Man of the Match in the FA Cup final – and then swore live on telly to balance it out, struggled to get a bib on, slagged off Jackie Wilshere, rowed with Wayne Rooney’s hooker and loads of other stuff we can barely remember.
It sometimes feels like it’s all too good to be true – please don’t ever leave, Mario, Mario, Mario Mario… Mario… Mario?
… and The Spoiler woke up and it was all a dream…