Because we definitely know best...

What should Andre Villas-Boas do now he’s Chelsea boss?

Time to be less loveable?

terrylamps.jpg

Really, this question should be extremely simple to answer. He should gradually shape the team by bringing his own players in, gradually stamp his footballing identity on the team and Chelsea should gradually become the European-conquering side they’ve threatened to be for the past half-a-decade.

Unfortunately for Villas-Boas, there’s one word that’s been used three times in the above 45 that Roman Abramovich isn’t too keen on.

So, with that in mind, here’s The Spoiler’s guaranteed-to-work plan to get Chelsea back to the top…

Firstly, he needs to get rid of some players and get other ones in to replace them – something crazy like that.

We’d have a clear out of the deadwood – Paulo Ferreira, Yury Zhirkov and well… that’s about it. Then he should loan out the likes of Josh McEachran, Gael Kakuta and Ross Turnbull.

There’s not loads that needs doing in terms of quality – Lampard is the same age as his new boss but you’d back him to get at least 15 goals, Malouda will chip in and Torres WILL score 20 goals.

However, they seem a little bit stale and there’s very big Joao Moutinho-shaped hole in the middle of the park, while fellow Porto player Radamel Falcao will also give the Blues something extra up top.

We’d also learn David Luiz to defend properly and get rid of Didier Drogba.

On that bombshell…

Villas-Boas needs to get the arrogance back. Remember when Chelsea won everything? EVERYONE hated John Terry, Ashley Cole, Didier Drogba and even cuddly Frank Lampard. Now we’re all totally ‘meh’ about them.

Get them strutting, shouting and swearing. The hatred and trophies will follow.
Finally – and this might take a little longer – he should at least try to give Chelsea some sort of footballing identity.

Under Jose Mourinho (that’s 289 words before we mentioned him – The Spoiler double dares you to find an article that resists for longer) Chelsea were tight and won games by not conceding. It wasn’t the most thrilling of spectacles but everyone knew what was expected of them.

Since then a succession of managers have failed to really define Chelsea one way or another – are they the duck-arse-tight side they were under Mourinho or a swashbuckling attacking side? It doesn’t seem a major thing, but all great teams have one and it’s one of The Spoiler’s ‘things’.

So, that’s it. Those relatively simple and quick to implement things should have the Blues running away with the Premier League and losing to Barcelona in the Champions League final before you can say ‘this season’s performances have fallen short of expectations.’

What do you think? How wrong are we? Very? Yea, we know… Shout us down below – we’re genuinely very interested to know what people think about this…


3 responses so far
  • David Luis' Defensive Instincts // June 23, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    “We’d also learn David Luiz to defend properly”

    Could always learn Richard Anderson to grammar properly whilst he’s at it.

  • Richard Anderson // June 23, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Thank you, David Luis’ (sic) Defensive Instincts…

    We’ll have a look at that and get it sorted.

  • Kyle // June 23, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    People have such a difficult time with sarcasm here…

    Anyway, not a bad analysis, assuming they stick to the Chelsea (and AVB) 4-3-3 formation.

    Getting the arrogance back is a big factor, especially considering Torres’ distinct lack of it. I’d sell Drogba AFTER Torres remembers how to play football and be fast again. Maybe next year (or December!)

    If it works, you can just bail on Drogba and play Torres, because if you keep switching, Torres will undoubtedly sulk about a bit. If it doesn’t work, well, you still have Drogba; who does sulk about a LOT, but at least manages to score goals. Win-win.

    Good analysis, I’m just a BIT skeptical with putting all the eggs in one particularly slumping Spanish basket.

Leave a comment
  1. View comments in RSS feed