Footballers at Glastonbury

Rooney’s mob destroys Glastonbury peace and Barton meets his hero

Where’s the straw trilby, Wayne?


Glastonbury happened at the weekend and loads of surprising things happened.

God finally had enough of Bono and decided to unleash a biblical downpour on the false idol and all his followers, while the Chemical Brothers either had an amazing laser-man run over their crowd or the BBC only had their ‘Money for Nothing’ 1985 graphics pack with them.

There were also some less surprising things going down – Coldplay were sort of, y’know, kind of ‘meh’ and did a totally cringe re-working of ‘What a Wonderful World’, while disk jockey Jo Whiley thought everything was completely brilliant – OMG! PAOLO NUTINI!

Anyway, another surprising element of this year’s hippy love-in was the fact that there were plenty of footballers dotted about the site causing trouble…

Wayne Rooney got into the festival spirit by staying in a Winnebago that cost £6,000 to rent. In all fairness though, if The Spoiler had the choice, we’d definitely stay in one rather than camping with the muddy proles.

When he did venture out though he caused absolute CARNAGE AND MAYHEM amongst the peace-loving beatniks -it’s not Reading, Wayne.

Well, if you believe the Daily Mirror he caused CARNAGE AND MAYHEM. Basically there was a bit of a skirmish between some drunk hippies and Rooney’s family which was quickly sorted out by security.

Wayne and Colleen then had a bit of a barney before his brother, Graeme, and his brother in-law, Anthony, had an argument. Which, as The Mirror says:

 ”Ended with Liverpool FC fan Ant telling Everton supporter Graeme: “F***ing calm down.”

A sentence that was presumably put there because it involved a Scouser saying ‘calm down’.

Speaking of Graeme Rooney, he’s been saying horrible stuff on Twitter that has given the Daily Star the chance to run the search engine optimising headline ‘Rooney’s racism shame’.

Anyway, while we’re on the subject of dubious nationalistic comments, Morrissey was able to meet sweet and tender hooligan Joey Barton…


Elsewhere, West Ham midfielder Kevin Nolan was presumably delighted that another man was subject to Barton’s intense man-love. He was so happy to be free of Barton’s amorous advances that he decided to make the day of a chubby 12-year-old West Ham supporter…


2 responses so far
  • maurizio // June 28, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    >God finally had enough of Bono

    Too bad there wasnt a thunderbolt to leave just a puddle of grease afterwards.

    God hates poseurs and frauds.

  • Jay // July 3, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    Barton got me backstage at Glasto. Introduced me to his mates Plan B and ‘Al’ out of the Arctic Monkeys. Turns out he’s a top bloke..

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