Mario Balotelli follows up curry with tidy goal against Chelsea
The Spoiler’s forced hiatus over the past few months has been extremely difficult for everyone at Spoiler Towers.
The tea boy has been inconsolable without the cheery whistle of the kettle to keep his spirits up, the cleaner has been bereft of cheesestring wrappers to toss gaily into a bin, while the work experience kid hasn’t felt the sweet pain of an unprovoked beating since those long summer days that seemed to last forever.
There is one person who has suffered more than most though. He/She/It has sat mournfully in their windowless office, muttering to themselves and memorising the thesaurus entries for ‘outrageous’ and ‘mental’ hoping and praying that one day they would get a chance to use their vastly improved vocabulary.
That hideous progeny is The Spoiler’s Mario Balotelli Correspondent…
Imagine their howls of pain then, when, on the very week The Spoiler relaunches, they are carted off to a rest home on the coast to recover and reacquaint themselves with the daylight hours.
They were even more distraught when they realised that Mario has greeted our return with yet another joyous moment of strangeness – followed by a really rather good goal.
Mario broke a curfew imposed on Manchester City players on Sunday night by going out and having a curry in the early hours of the morning – less than 24 hours before a proper important Premier League game against fellow rich-boys, Chelsea.
Any chance Mario had of escaping Manchester’s Zouk restaurant unseen soon disappeared when he used the opportunity to – of course – stage a fake swordfight with a rolling pin.
The curry and rolling pin incident looks set to cost the Italian a week’s wages or – if you’re talking cold, hard numbers – £150,000. It didn’t stop him doing a brilliant goal against Chelsea though and The Spoiler thought he played pretty well for the rest of the game as well.
The rolling pin incident is not the most mental thing he’s ever done and The Spoiler is still devastated it missed the firework and John Lewis incidents – we had loads of amazing jokes and stuff to write about them.
But, it’s good to finally be back and to know that some things will never, ever change – even if it did come too late for our Mario Balotelli Correspondent.