Gary Neville is going to explain the joys of playing for England to the rugby mob
Here’s a fact for you – the female figure sitting on the bench at the end of this Match.com advert is actually a ghost.
Seconds before, a 28 year-old woman with dyed blonde hair and really, really, really great skin threw herself in front of a train because of the shame and embarrassment of being serenaded by a prick.
Here’s another fact for you – Gary Neville is now chief motivational speaker for the England rugby team…
G-Nev has been approached by England interim coach Stuart Lancaster to help motivate his Henrys and Olivers to stop putting their maul-mangled members in each other’s pints for long enough to actually try and win something.
This is the same G-Nev who inspiringly said:
“There have been times when I’ve reflected on my international career and just thought: ‘Well that was a massive waste of time.’”
BUT WAIT! This is sort-of the thing that Lancaster – who replaced Martin Johnson after England’s rubbish World Cup campaign that will be better remembered for dwarf-throwing and HRH Mike Tindall definitely not chatting-up a blonde than the rugby – is talking about.
Here’s what he had to say about this unlikely meeting of minds:
“Gary Neville never turned down playing for his country. He played 85 times, he is England’s most-capped full-back.
“Speaking to him, he was frustrated because he never felt he achieved with England what he wanted to achieve.
“He wants to help the players understand what is possible when you get it right, when you are playing for your country and the nation is behind you.
“When it was Euro ’96, three lions on the shirt, how powerful was that? We all felt it. He wants to help our team get that feeling.
“When I asked if he would do it, he said it would be an honour.”
The Spoiler can’t help but feel a bit nervous for Gaz and hopes the sight of a room full of deck shoe-bedecked rugger buggers doesn’t trigger some dreadful flashback to the time he was gaffer taped to a netball post and his scrawny carcass paraded around school to show what happens to children who take the name of Maximuscle in vain.
Good luck, Gary! We’re sure you’ll be as surprisingly good at motivational speaking as you are at punditing.