Also appearing on a computer near you…

Fergie helps to push Jonny Evans down the aisle during a press conference
[Off The Post]

Nereida Gallardo is on the cover of Portuguese Maxim
[Poprosa via Kickette]

Revealed: Roma’s terrifying new stadium
[Dirty Tackle]

Dallas have finally won at the Cowboys Stadium, and this couple were keen to celebrate (NSFW)
[Deadspin]

Carlos Tevez won’t be offering Utd fans the courtesy he showed West Ham
[Daily Mail]

Who actually owns Leeds Utd?
[The Guardian]

Luca Toni looks set to join West Ham in January
[The Telegraph]

Sorcerer is currently making anti-CRon spell in his ‘laboratory’

The ever-mental Spanish sports papers have excelled themselves once more, with news reaching us from El Mundo that Real Madrid is under siege by an anonymous voodoo priest.

A letter has been received by the club from a man who claims to have cast a spell that would leave the Portugese man-o’-sex crocked in a freak accident, after being contracted to do so by a mysterious frenemy (Sir Alex? Ruud? Nereida Gallardo?):

I’m not antimadridista. I have nothing against this great club. I am a professional and someone has paid very well for me using my powers. I have been hired to make Cristiano Ronaldo suffer a serious injury.

Mallorcan model continues to make a living off the back of relatively short relationship with Real Madrid star

Since her summer 2008 fling with the world’s most expensive footballer, Nereida Gallardo has absolutely refused to fall into the obscurity that has threatened to claim her.

There are plenty of pictures of Nereida in Lara Croft mode at this dedicated blog, which enjoys the paradoxical status of being her biggest critic and her biggest source of publicity.

The Portuguese star’s new object of affection isn’t a mirror or a lady of the night, but a deeply religious Brazilian gentleman

Unlike Gemma Atkinson, Nereida Gallardo and most of Manchester’s female population, Kaka seems impervious to Cristiano Ronaldo’s patented puppy-dog-come-hither glance.

Some classic C-Ron homoeroticism after the jump…

Spurned WAG Nereida Gallardo dishes more dirt on Madrid star

Nereida Gallardo - the perma-naked Spanish beauty who helped Cristiano Ronaldo occupy his free time last summer - faced the worrying prospect of falling out of the public eye after losing her WAG status. Rather than adopting the Danielle Lloyd model of extending her moment in the sun (i.e. boffing her way through an entire team), the 26-year-old Majorcan has chosen to repeatedly cash in on her romance with the Portuguese man-o’-sex.

As a riposte to the humiliating way in which she was dumped, Nereida has continued to furnish us with personal details that are embarrassing, but not in the least bit surprising. The Mirror brings us the latest:

She says [his favourite underwear is] a pair of tight red pants with an elephant’s trunk on the front… but that they don’t quite fit him. She said:

“He puts his willy where the elephant’s face is. But he doesn’t fill its trunk. During our time together

Your chance to own C-Ron’s sloppy seconds - it’s the motoring equivalent of dating Nereida Gallardo

During his time at Manchester Utd, it is estimated that Cristiano Ronaldo spent around £2m on fast cars. With little use for a fleet of right-hand drive vehicles in his new home-land, however, the Portuguese star has put some of the motors he managed not to crash on Autotrader.

The beautiful car above is a Bentley Continental GT Speed, which he purchased in Spetember last year. It would have cost around £138,000 new, and has held its value relatively well with an asking price of £114,950.

The GT has done only 7,000 miles, has been stored in a garage and can easily accommodate up to four prostitutes within its plush cream leather cabin.

Also for sale on the second hand car website is his fairly modest Mercedes C220CDI, which has covered 35,000 miles since it was purchased in 2004. It’s not his flashiest motor, but it could be yours for just £10,795.

The Ronaldo motor fire sale appears to be going quite well so far - the black Porsche 911 Carrera 2 Tiptronic S he listed on Autotrader last month is no longer available, suggesting someone stumped up the £69,995 asking price. Actually, it’s much more likely that he wrote it off.

C-Ron’s clothes-hating ex speaks in new magazine interview

Thanks to the Spanish demand for a magazine which covers political and economic news and publishes near-pornographic images of famous women, Interviú exists. On the cover of this month’s edition is Nereida Gallardo, the lady who nearly melted the entire internet last summer when she romanced Cristiano Ronaldo.

In addition to posing with a Real Madrid shirt in the loosest sense possible, the perma-nude Majorcan gave her two cents on her former lover’s recent tryst with fellow dirtbag Paris Hilton:

“Nothing matters to him. She is just another shag. If he carries on at this pace Madrid should tremble.”

During their eight month relationship, Nereida says she spent five days a week in Manchester and the other two in Palma (Mallorca), and she seems irritated by the fact that she left her job because she asked him to. We’re not sure what that job was, but presumably it must have been more lucrative than the countless modelling jobs and TV appearances she has scored off the back of her WAG status.

When asked if she would ever try to rekindle the romance with the Portuguese man-o’-sex, Nereida simply says: “He would laugh in my face.”

More slightly-NSFW picture fun from Interviú after the jump…

Yet another former lover of Real Madrid’s latest acquisition

After more than a year of tiring speculation, Cristiano Ronaldo has finally secured his escape route to Madrid. In honour his much-touted departure, we pay tribute to one of the lucky ladies who played a part in C-Ron’s highly prolific Summer of Steamrollering 2008^TM.

In addition to Nereida Gallardo, Niki Ghazian and Letizia Filippi, the Portuguese star took his mind off of his incredibly charmed life by boffing Colombian model Mirella Grisales.