Eliminate Mark Lawrenson!

The Spoiler had the pleasure of watching last night’s England game through headphones (on a treadmill – don’t ask), and an amazing discovery was made. John Motson’s balanced and relevant commentary comes through the left speaker channel, while Mark Lawrenson’s nonsense come through the right speaker channel. This means a Lawrenson-less game is just a few TV adjustments away! No more ‘It looks like he’s blown the whistle for a foul there,’ and no more ‘I’ve got nothing to say,’ when Motty regretfully asks his co-commentator for some input. Get right on it!

And if you miss the thatched-haired one’s inane banter, it’s pretty easy to fill in the gaps yourself – simply contradict Motson at every available opportunity and generally attempt to state the bloody obvious.