Read what happens when football execs take charge of the entertainment
Last night’s PFA Gala dinner proved that life in the glamourous world of professional football isn’t all cheeseburgers and hookers - it’s also big suited money men making bad executive decisions about music.
For a ridiculous £5,000, excited guests turned up to their tables of ten, looking forward to some beautiful food crafted from the delicate hands of Paul Heathcote, a Bolton fan and top chef, followed by a night of jaw-dropping entertainment, courtesy of some hand-picked international “megastars”.
Some groups even stumped up a whopping £10,000 so that they could sit in the same area as these celebs and look on in silent awe as they quaffed delicious champagne and demanded more food be delivered at once.
But then the word “megastar” took a nasty turn.
Surely expecting Depp, Cruise, perhaps a little bit of Kravitz, the crowds were instead ‘treated’ to Jack Dee, John Christos (who?), and then the final insult - Simply Red.
Even Michael Owen, who wasn’t there and isn’t sure what kind of music he likes, would be completely disgusted. Presumably.
Got a story for the Spoiler? Have you ever thrown ten grand out of the window? Leave comments below
1 response so far
1 Dicky Bow, Manchester. // Dec 7, 2007 at 6:14 am
As I understand it, tickets were £500 (standard) and £1,000 (VIP) - I hasten to point out that I was on a freebie, as were a disturbingly large number of others. It’s true that a huge picture of Billy Meredith in his knee-length, woolly jersey gazed down on an Armani fashion parade, two opera singers, the auction of a sports car, and, of course, Ginger Mick.
Come on; this was an evening for the (mostly)Mancunian bourgeoisie. Who do you expect to be on - Foofighters? It was, like football itself, an event for the well-heeled middle class. And the WaGs in the picture seem to be enjoying themselves.
Jon Christos is an opera singer of a certain renown, though not yet in the Russel Watson bracket. And he’s a Manchester City fan - he actually goes to games. The opera bit was to add some “class” , you see.
What I feel you’ve neglected here is how utterly and comprehensively Jack Dee died on his arse. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything quite like it. He began by getting the name of the venue wrong, then announced that it was really just a f***ing railway station, which everbody knows. After a quick gag about children eating tampons, and some of the “you know when you’re in a supermarket?” routine that please his theatre audiences, he decided to be “edgy”. His remark about the Manchester branch of Harvey Nicks selling flat caps and tin baths did not win over many people. Even following that up with a reference to whippets failed to do the trick.
Realising that he’d cocked up badly, he began mumbling to himself to give himself time to think - a sure sign that a comic is floundering. He left the stage to the sound of his own footsteps, only to return later for a second spot - presumably a contractual requirement. It was certainly not by public demand.
At this stage the punters were invited to text him with questions to which he would provide witty answers. That was the theory. While still failing to get any laughs, he buggered up a joke about a car driver being on a merry-go-round, accidentally saying “roundabout”, where, confusingly, it is not unusual to see a car. Many guests took this opportunity to go outside for a smoke, while Mr. Dee appeared to be talking to himself. He did receive a text from someone berating him for the Harvey Nicks miscalculation - and offered a public apology. Not normally in a comedian’s repertoire.
I cannot adequately describe how lazy, ill-judged, complacent, and badly thought out Mr. Dee’s contribution was. Suffice to say that when the toastmaster did the thank-yous, he asked the guests to put their hands together for Jack Dee. After a short period of near silence, he pleaded, “Come on; you can do better than that.” An unconventional way to end an evening.
Perhaps the toastmaster felt it discourteous of us not to give Mr. Dee our warmth, as well as his alleged fee of £20,000, in exchange for his committing a serious breach of the Trades Descriptions Act.
After all, it was an evening to raise money for a children’s hospital.
Mr. Dee is currently starring in a TV comedy series. It is called “Lead Balloon”.