Roman Abramovich’s addiction to goals leads him to a couple of oddballs

Turns out Avram Grant might not need that coaching badge to sew on his swimming trunks after all – according to the hysterical Spanish paper Sport, Chelsea’s manager next year will be Barcelona boss Frank Rijkaard.

Poppa Abramovich has made no secret of his overwhelming need for fancy football, and Mr Rijkaard, a man with an air of distraction not unlike that his countrymen after a trip to the “café”, is apparently the man to bring it.

The idea of Chelsea trying to play with a bit more attacking flair has even made miserable Didier Drogba think twice about doing a runner. The report also claims that Ronaldinho has bought a number of properties in London, perhaps under the mistaken impression that the capital runs according to the rules of Monopoly.

Jose Mourinho, meanwhile, had better get his philandering hands on either the England or Milan jobs if he wants to get back on the gravy train, as Barcelona want Marco Van Basten. And not “Mou”, as they insist on calling him.