Future Mrs Rooney spotted throwing money down the gutter

Rooney’s WAG Coleen simultaneously infuriated her fans and shed some interesting light on Christmas with Wayne in one amazing shopping spree. £45 spent on snacks - “Damn you McLoughlin!” they shouted (in their heads).

According to the hardened reporters at the Sun, she loaded her shopping wagon with twelve tasty packets of McCoy’s, six delicious bumper-sacks of Quavers, and (roughly) thousands of bags of Walkers, mainly cheese and onion. The hammer blow was delivered when a brace of microwave burgers were spotted going into the bag.

Fellow shoppers stood agog, as all thoughts of pushing their young children into becoming WAGs vanished in a puff of flavoured crumbs.

Care to explain your great figure, Miss McLoughlin? It can’t be the crisps.