The worlds of football, alcohol and infidelity furiously collide at Paper

While partying at trendy London hangout Paper last weekend, a foxy friend of The Spoiler was accosted by a goalkeeper playing currently playing for a south London side. His advances were strong and intentions were clear until he noticed the other girl accompanying The Spoiler’s friend – a member of former kiddie music troupe S Club Juniors - who is best friends with his girlfriend.

Said keeper was all apologies when he realised he had been caught out, and offered to buy The Spoiler’s friend a drink. She duly asked for champagne and received some warm white wine, sambuca shots and a little bit more lechery.

The Spoiler’s truth-o-meter: It’s totally true, folks. The randy tight-arse was on top form on Saturday night.

The Spoiler’s identity hint: He may be known as ‘Darren R’. No, that’s too obvious, let’s go with ‘D Randolph’.