Potential new England gaffer prefers the ’smooth’ look

Slightly-eccentric-right-wing manager Fabio Capelli added to his huge stockpile of hilarious quotes in The Sun today:

“When a gentleman crosses his legs and the trouser leg rides up to show hairy shins, it offends my eyes. It’s like watching women wearing their stockings rolled down around their ankles. Both would be a real turn-off”

Fabio (pictured above, smooth pins) obviously acquiesces to the Italian tendency to wear high socks, but showing contempt for a person’s physiological makeup is, well, a bit fascist.

Fortunately, several England stars are well prepared for the Italian’s arrival, and have all but ensured their place in the team. Princess Frank goes for the all-over wax whenever he prances into a salon, while this season, Wayne Rooney has started to display the upper torso that once resembled a wolverine’s.

While some players have already settled into the androgynous prepubescent look, others may find their place in the squad threatened. The Spoiler believes Owen Hargreaves’ body is encased by a follicle wilderness, while Peter Crouch would have to invest in a pair of runway windsocks to fully conceal his gangly legs. And if Richard Keys ever has to interview the outspoken coach, let’s hope he gets a ‘back, sack and crack’ first.