They don’t have to touch Avram Grant

If you were a sports mascot, whose sweaty rubber suit would you rather don - Billy the Badger at Fulham, or Fin the Vancouver Canucks Orca Whale?

Don’t just rush in and side with the badger because Ice Hockey is a bit rubbish – consider the evidence. Over New Year, Billy received an icy stare from a stone-faced Avram Grant, when he had the audacity to lay a friendly paw on his shoulder. Does Avram think he’s going to contract TB or something?

Fin, on the other hand, received a PDA* from fellow Canuck Pamela Anderson last night. And kissing a woman in her forties with hepatitis makes is way better than staring down a stroppy expressionless Israelite. Well, slightly better.

*That means ‘public display of affection’. Get with the times, granddad.