Lord yet to return his call

Mateja Kezman, the Serbian striker who was rarely able to devote his goals to a higher power while at Chelsea as he scored so few (just four in the league), has declared himself attracted to the life led by monks. “Before when I visited monasteries I used to feel sorry for them,” he said, in an interview with the Belgrade daily Press. “Now I envy their lifestyle.”

Mr Kezman claims he now fasts every Wednesday and Friday and says that his faith is growing stronger. “I try to spend as much time as possible thinking about God and I visit monasteries whenever I can.”

Like all sinners, though, he is still tormented by a weakness. “For some, women, alcohol or tobacco is their vice. For me it’s tattoos. But thanks to God, I am becoming less obsessed with every day that passes.” All most un-Chelsea, where the official religion is still money.