France’s new first lady missed the chance to work through Roman’s billions

Supermodel Carla Bruni, who is rumoured to have married France’s President Nicolas Sarkozy in secret last week, could so easily have been first lady of Chelsea, if reports from Italy’s cable SitcomUno channel are to be believed.

The channel reports that Roman Abramovich and Miss Bruni were introduced in London last year by society chemist Kate Moss, said to be a friend of them both, at a party held at the posh people’s disco Annabel’s.

According to witnesses (and please remember this story has had to pass through the filters of coked up toffs and an Italian gossip organisation) the Russian was initially so overcome by her beauty he was unable to speak (a reaction many people have had to her records, although for different reasons). Eventually, he recovered sufficient composure to handle a long chat, first in French, then in Russian. “I had heard that Italian women were very beautiful, but hadn’t seen it until now,” he apparently said, possibly from a phrase book.

He later sent her an obscenely expensive bag with a note which read “To a splendid example of Italian beauty. Roman.” Miss Bruni proved resistant to his billionaire flirtations, however.

A little research on Mr Abramovich’s part would have shown that Miss Bruni prefers the embalmed look in her men, having previously gone with geriatrics such as Mick Jagger and Donald Trump. Hooking up with the touchy M. Sarkozy shows her appetite for older egomaniacs remains as keen as ever.

Should the youthful Mr Abramovich ever grow melancholic at what might have been, however, a quick listen to one of Miss Bruni’s dreadful records should provide an instant burst of joyous relief.