Midfielder devises cunning plan to waste more of Newcastle’s money

Joey Barton’s post-Christmas ‘leave of absence’ has cost his club over £200k in wages, and now he has found another way of depriving his club of liquidity.

Barton was given bail on the condition that he remain under the supervision of the Sporting Chance clinic in Hampshire, and to curb his behavioural problems, he must observe a curfew between early evening and breakfast time.

Therefore, a nice big jet has been flying him to and from training, courtesy of Newcastle United. Spare a thought for the pilot - he’d probably be less scared if a member of the Taliban tapped him on the shoulder mid flight.