Now that Valentine’s Day has arrived, everyone is feeling romantic. And were you to ask even the most blinkered of modern young professionals, they’d tell you that true love can be expressed with flowers, with sweet chocolates, with gentle, understated lovemaking. The trick is to do something that the girl likes.

So give a sarcastic slow hand clap to John Terry for getting women all wrong in the run up to the official day of love. It all started so well with a trip to the pictures - a surprise that girls absolutely ADORE - but once inside, the woman on his arm (Toni Poole) was treated not to a hilarious romantic comedy starring her favourite hunk, nor a cute little Disney pic about a scared pony and a wisecracking ant (or something), but instead she was forced to watch Sylvester Stallone punching a mans head off, ripping out throats, and shooting the HELL out of things. We can only assume that she fled the theatre in tears.

So what’s for dinner tonight, JT? Sheep guts and a glass of coke?

Enjoy a clip of the new Rambo film below.