Like all great publications, The Spoiler enjoys nothing more than throwing together a “Who’s up? Who’s down?” graphic, and being that today is all about love, the barometer (pictured) is based on performances with the heart.

Former steamroller of many many women, Sven Goran Eriksson, appears to have put his wild days behind him, and this week enjoyed an evening of presumed sexual intercourse with his soul mate Nancy Dell’Olio. In the Radisson Hotel in Manchester, no less. The pair have been through so much, it’s great to see them back on the up. Well done, Sven, and here’s to you Nancy.

However, less deserving of kind words is that unbelievable bastard Ashley Cole. While his HUMILIATED wife starves herself in a strange sanctuary in Thailand, eating nothing but leaves and drinking her own tears, Cole was spotted LAUGHING and ENJOYING HIMSELF on the Chelsea training ground. Such a revolting display of being fine only makes women hate him more, hence the number one left back in England finds himself at the bottom of our love chart, destined to die alone. Shame on you.

Thumbs up to The Sun newspaper for spotting both stories. And yet, they didn’t think it worthy of a barometer. Weird. Missed a trick there.