Christ, what was everyone even worrying about?

A couple of weeks ago, everyone went mental because Ashley Cole had been caught steamrollering man-faced barmaids/hairdressers behind his wife’s back, but now look at Cheryl, she is feeling GREAT.

Pottering about on mystical Thai resorts, living it up in Los Angeles with her two best pals/bandmates. Who needs men anyway? Granted she is now just under three stone, and the enormous sunglasses suggest that her eyes are all puffy thanks to the hysterical tears that she cries for EVERY SPARE SECOND of EVERY SINGLE DAY. But apart from that she’s feeling BRILLIANT. Absolutely amazing. Just breezy, thanks.

Nice one Ashley.