Unfortunately the days are gone when binge drinking was considered suave and sexually exciting, thanks mainly to all the young people vomiting and getting pregnant around the country (thanks a lot, kids). Hence, the discerning gent knows to do his heavy drinking behind closed doors. But what tipple should one drink with a Ford Super Sunday? That’s the big question. Here’s The Spoiler’s top ten:

10. Merlot
Only a man with a death wish would order a glass of red wine at any local UK pub, but with the sneering mobs contained, and the big screen now at home, the gentle buzz of something fruity can be just the ticket. This one isn’t advised for the hoof and shoot games, more the liquidy brilliance of an Arsenal, or, dare we say it, a Man City.

9. Corona
Back in the 1980s the yuppies could be found slurping these in neon wine lodges thanks to Margaret bloody Thatcher (working class rant etc..). But now it’s the youngsters that love it, thanks to the inclusion of tasty limes in the top. Hence the fledgling professional’s Sunday tipple of choice.

8. Orange juice and lemonade (from a pint glass)
With optional handfuls of ice thrown in, this treat should only really be enjoyed when you’re watching Ford Super Sunday after playing 90 minutes yourself. Muddy tracksuit bottoms on the coffee table, talk of a goal you almost scored, a neglected girlfriend weeping in the bathroom. Paradise.

7. Magners
Yes, it’s fruity AND refreshing, but it’s also a bit of an admission that you’re the kind of person who gives in to marketing “initiatives” a bit too easily. Remember a couple of years ago when you found yourself in a pub garden with eight hundred people all drinking Magners and wearing Crocs - that wasn’t ALL your choice. Still, great drink, thoroughly refreshing, a guilty pleasure. Perfect for the summer games.

6. Guinness
The most brilliant thing about Guinness, as everyone knows, is that it’s A MEAL*. So for the late starter to the Sunday morning (you may have missed breakfast? And lunch even?), this is the perfect pick-me-up, satisfying both your hunger, your thirst, and getting you in the mood for some boisterous chanting.

*It isn’t a meal.

5. Staropramen
The drink of the middle class - you won’t see the kids from the local council estate fooling around with this stuff. From the same family as Hoegaarden and Budvar, this is the drink of the successful young businessman. Goes brilliantly with a flat screen television, and an offensively beautiful girlfriend.

4. Newcastle Brown Ale
Newcastle Brown Ale comes in easy-to-carry bottle-shaped objects, making them perfectly portable, and, even better, you won’t need to decant the beer into your own household glass. Just guzzle it down and throw away the container, ideally into a hedge. When icy cool from the fridge, these are amazingly quaffable.

3. Stella Artois
Nothing says “let’s get drunk and fight/kiss” like a refrigerated stack of Stella Artois. Hence, this can only be the beer of choice should it be YOUR team playing. That way, any singing and/or bloodshed can be explained away by blaming the booze.

2. Carling
Of course, the hardened daytime drinker knows that the key is not to throw back gallons of the good stuff, but to drink large quantities of the weak stuff instead. And Carling is the ideal “cooking lager” - strong enough to get you where you want to go, but soft enough to keep you going until bedtime. Brilliant.
1. Tea
Now that we’re all on zone diets, battling to grow pectoral muscles in the gym, and dabbing our T-zones with moisturiser, here’s some great news: it’s perfectly okay to spend your Sunday afternoons drinking tea. Combine some PG with a Digestive biscuit of your choice, put the footie on, and you don’t need to know what Heaven is, damn it man you’re already there.

Is tea your favourite footy brew? Did we really suggest Merlot? Thrash it out in the comments section!

(And for an invigorating, if bewildering, run down of how Americans address the issue, click here.)