The lost art of hissy fit has just been reinvigorated

Step one: Pick a teammate at random and start insulting them. Maybe question his choice of car or the sluttiness of his girlfriend (‘Your car costs less than mine and your girl isn’t as slutty as mine’).

Step two: Attack. Throw something light that comes to hand, and for god’s sake don’t engage in fisticuffs. Your sponsorship deals and vanity could both be heavily affected if your hair and face are touched.

Step three: Your opponent will have worked himself up into a tissy akin to a schoolgirl who has just fallen out with her BFF (‘best friend forever’ - get with the lingo, homeslice). Expect a counter strike, probably the ol’ towel-in-the-face routine.

Step four: It’s all over. Now it’s time to hide your ongoing resentment and tell the media everything is OK. The ladies in the spat above, for example, claimed “it was a misunderstanding,” in last night’s post-match interview.

[NY Post via WithLeather]