If new anti-swearing rules come into place, Wayne’s entire vocabulary will become redundant

According to the good folk at The Offside, the FA are backing a zero tolerance proposal towards swearing on the pitch. If a player says a naughty word, whether out of personal frustration or as a form of abuse, he will be sent off.

The move will please family viewers, who get to lip-read Wayne Rooney’s foul tirade in every game. However the move will outrage Wayne Rooney, as he will lose the right to use every adjective and noun he knows while on the pitch.

The controversial new rules are already being tested in Arngrove Northern League Division Two, where the ‘tide of verbal sewage’ is slowly ebbing away.

Is a swear ban a good idea, or just another way of homogenising a game that has already been watered down by the money men? Although I’m generally against swearing, I think this is probably a bad idea. Wouldn’t it be better to ban abuse, as intimidating match officials and other players doesn’t necessarily have to involve bad language.