Mikel Arteta’s lady could cost Everton the Champions League

Good news for Liverpool fans - if there’s any sense of harmony in the world, Everton will take fifth place at the end of this season. Mikel Arteta’s better half Lorena Bernal, you see, has just finished fifth in Nuts Magazine’s prestigious ‘100 Sexiest Footballer’s Wives’ poll. And if a comparison with a pseudo-porn weekly rag isn’t enough of a Da Vinci Code-style pattern to predict the league, then I simply don’t know what is.

Lorena is a thirty-year-old Argentinean model who can thank her parents for moving the family to Spain when she was a child: in her adopted homeland, she earned herself the title of Miss Spain in 1999, which consequently helped her launch a successful TV career. Last year, she left behind cracking Spanish programmes such as Paraíso and ¡Ala… Dina! to act on shows that people have actually heard of, like CSI: Miami and Chuck.



Spoiler bonus: here’s Lorena demonstrating the correct way to wear skimpy swimwear in panoramic surroundings.