Arsenal boss uses puzzling syntax to defend Diaby

In his post-game email this week, Arsene Wenger tried to defend Abou Diaby’s thoroughly dangerous challenge and subsequent sending off by describing the incident as a ‘protective tackle’. What does that mean? Is it like a defensive strike on goal or an attacking penalty save?

Anyone got any ideas?

The Grand National, Saturday, 4.15pm, BBC One, bet here

Monday morning - not the traditional moment for the week’s heavy lifting, but that hasn’t stopped film star and theatrical dream weaver Kevin Spacey fearlessly going for the jugular of one of the great threats to the nation’s integrity: reality television. Mr Spacey’s objection is to the BBC’s support of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Oliver” thing. “Where’s my thirteen week promotion?” he whines. “Come again?” tops the list of responses. But reality has lost its gloss: Celebrity Big Brother - appalling. The new American Idol - boring. I could go on, but an antidote is at hand: the Grand National. Forty horses, thirty fences, just jump over them and keep on running. No gimmickry, no cod

Chelsea owner’s new plaything provides a healthy mix of pleasure and paranoia

Despite paying Shevchenko extortionate amounts to do little else except go out and purchase ill-advised eastern European-style clothing, Roman Abramovich still has a few quid tucked away for other projects. The latest indulgence to drive prices at Stamford Bridge even further into the stratosphere is the M/Y Eclipse, the world’s largest privately owned yacht, currently being built under a cloud of secrecy (the candid spy shot you see above was taken on one of the few occasions the vessel has been in plain view - they only test it at night and behind closed doors).

The £200m massive yacht, being built by Blohm + Voss off the German Baltic island of Ruegen, is 550 feet long, some 200 feet longer than his current biggest vessel, the Pelorus (the combined global crew for his four yachst will total several hundred, and when the new ship launches later in the year, he will have a fleet nearly as large as that of the Irish navy).

Features of the Eclipse include:

* A small hospital staffed by a private medical team
* Bulletproof glass, underwater cameras and a missile detection system

Arsenal legend provides welcome alternative to the matey blandness of Shearer and pals

Match of the Day 2 has been cleaning Match of the Day’s clock for a long time now. Personable Chiles is better than link-machine Lineker, Lee Dixon is a bright and insightful analyst, providing stiff competition for alpha pundit Alan Hansen’s cold, all-seeing defensive eye. Meanwhile Alan Shearer’s preference for stating the obvious is threatening to drag the flagship beneath the waves.

Now, with the addition of Tony Adams to “Day 2″, “Day” has slipped even further behind. At first sight he exhibits a quite disturbing level of discomfort at being on television, yet the ill-fitting, poorly coordinated clothes and the hair that product forgot provide the perfect framework for his troubled observations. While the main MOTD is all sweatery banter, straight from the golf club,

Berbatov’s latest not-so-secret lady

Just a few shorts weeks ago, Dimitar Berbatov was putting away his country’s greatest asset, catwalk star Tedi Velinova. In today’s Sun, however, we are told that the Spurs striker has been having another secret affair, this time with Playboy model and ‘erotic dancer’ Daniela Arnaut. Meanwhile, the stroppy Bulgarian is keeping schtum over the whole debacle, but is no doubt facing heat from his ever-patient girlfriend Elena Shtilianov.

Jermain Defoe, there appears to be a new threat to your Premier League playa throne…

A poached effort that most strikers would be proud of

Hungarian Champions Debrecen found themselves 2-1up in the second leg of a cup tie, but they had lost the first leg 2-1 to underdogs Fehervar. The latter simply needed to run the clock down to pull off a surprise victory, but instead they conceded a penalty and a ridiculous own goal.

[Pies]

Did Charlotte Meares knock back the Arsenal shot stopper?

Just last week, Jens Lehmann was telling the world how few friends he has at Arsenal:

“I don’t socialise with my team-mates. Age-wise, they are closer to my sons than they are to me.”

The lanky German doesn’t make time for Fabregas and co, but that doesn’t he doesn’t like to paint the town red! Jenny No Mates is pictured above leaving Embassy Club in London on Saturday night, sporting a bin liner jacket (all the rage with ‘Partyboys’ in Berlin) and a grumpy pout that could turn milk sour. Jermain Defoe’s ex rutt-partner Charlotte Meares was socialising at the same establishment - this is surely more than just a sexy coincidence. Could

The Portuguese Man -o’-sex is putting them away for fun

If you didn’t put Cristiano Ronaldo in your Fantasy League team at the beginning of the season, the tricky Portuguese winger made you look like a damn fool by slotting home his 26th league goal against Villa on Saturday. But don’t worry, you’re not the biggest chump in this situation - he made Scott Carson look like pretty silly by slotting it home with a backheel from outside the six yard box.

Wenger has six games left to turn it around

It’s a typically difficult time of the year to predict form, and the 2007/08 season is starting to throw us a few curveballs. In the space of three games, Newcastle (LLLDWW) have picked themselves from the bottom of the form chart to a respectable tenth - the spectacularly unexpected win at White Hart Lane helping their fight against the drop tremendously. A silver lining for Spurs fans will come in the fact that Arsenal (DDDDLW) sit in lowly thirteenth, despite a heroic comeback at Bolton (the worst team in the league at the moment).

With matches against Liverpool and Manchester United remaining, the Gunners can potentially climb back to the top of the pile by May 11. But will they? To see forthcoming fixtures, statistics and form guides in one of the most exciting title chases in years, head over to the chickendinner Stats Centre now.

FORM GUIDE

Top five recent performers:

1. Manchester United - WWWWWW
2. Chelsea - WWWDWW
3. Liverpool - WWWWLW
4. Portsmouth - WLWWLW
5. Blackburn - WWDLWD

And the bottom five

16. Manchester City - LDLWDL

The best sports on the telebox tonight

After crashing out to Andy Murray in Dubai and suffering an embarrassing loss to never-heard-of-him American Mardy Fish in Indian Wells, Roger Federer looks to be back on winning ways at the Miami Open. The top seed cruised through his second round match and faces Robin Soderling at 8.15pm (BST) tonight - have a punt on that match and the tournament winner using the best odds available on the entire interweb.

Tennis
WTA Sony Ericsson Open (British Eurosport, 6pm)

Blue Square Premier
Forest Green/ Burton Albion (Setanta Sports 1, 7.45pm)