Britain’s top underwear model falls victim to irritating yet amusing jail bird

Though Martin Taylor has been threatened with legal action over the tackle which broke Eduardo’s leg, the gormless defender should count himself lucky. Over in the States David Beckham is being pursued for charges including conspiring with Pakistani agents, using a satellite-guided ball, and receiving funds from Iraq.

The legal papers have been filed by Jonathan Lee Riches, a man currently serving eight years for fraud in a South Carolina jail. US inmates are clearly not as keen on ping-pong as their British counterparts because Riches has issued 300 legal actions from his cell against such luminaries as George Bush, Keira Knightley and Mike Tyson.

Needless to say most of them are unlikely to cost the judge too much deliberation time - Riches is also seeking the cancellation of the Beijing Olympics because the IOC refuse to let him enter. This is despite the fact that he claims to have swum the Channel and spent time training with Rocky V’s Ivan Drago in preparation.

His case against Beckham alleges a conspiracy between Saint David and the MLS. Apparently, James Bond and Pakistani Intelligence have been operating a remote-control ball from the stands at LA Galaxy games. In return Becks gets the key to the US city of his choice, and a share of Iraqi National Bank loot, a share of which he is obliged to kick back to Buckingham Palace. If this weren’t enough, other alleged offences include dropping footballs on Riches’ head from the Empire State building, and causing Hulk Hogan’s son to crash his car.

Whether this news will effect Capello’s decision to recall Beckham remains to be seen.