The young striker has finally compiled his memoirs
I stole this fascinating snippet from On The Bench, who in turn stole it from a BBC message board. I’m almost 65 per cent sure it’s fictitious.
“Flying into Manchester airport for the signing was one of the most exciting days of my career. The limo transferring me took a while longer to reach the ground than I expected but once there I was greeted by a sea of red. The chanting and atmosphere were brilliant and it all passed by in a blur.
Once inside the ground I was greeted by the manager, the first time we had met face to face. He was a lot heavier than I expected but spoke to me in good Spanish which made me feel most welcome. We went straight into a conference room for the official signing.
After I had put pen to paper the manager turned to me and said “Welcome to the biggest club in the World”.
I said thank you and asked “When will I meet Wayne and Cristiano”?
There followed about ten minutes of confusion from which it transpired that there are two clubs in the North West of England known as the “Reds” and my idiot agent had got them mixed up.
However I had signed so had to get on with it. Benitez was known as the “Gaffer”. I asked Stevie G (the only other player at the club who could control the ball) why this was.
He explained that in English “gaffe” is an embarrassing mistake. Apparently even the owners called Rafa “gaffer”.
All I can do now is play really well and hope that Real, Barca or possibly Barnsley come and save me from my nightmare.
Some days after training I drive from Liverpool to Manchester and sit outside Old Trafford and dream of what might have been. I can sit there for hours.
Then Stevie will nudge me and say “Come on Nando, we have to go back”.
We drive silently back to the gaffer.
Taken from How did I get here? by Fernando Torres.
24 responses so far
1 Dhillon // Mar 11, 2008 at 10:17 am
YOU FUCKING TWAT .. MAN U WILL BURN IN THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE
2 ger // Mar 11, 2008 at 10:29 am
Your only 65% sure its fictitious…more like 100% idiot. I feel sorry for you anyway, wouldnt blame you being jelous we have Torres!
3 . // Mar 11, 2008 at 10:36 am
U FUCKEN MUPPET! GROW UP U SHIT CUNT
4 blinkered jeff // Mar 11, 2008 at 10:37 am
well, I don’t know about 65 per cent or 100 per cent, I’m at around 84 per cent on that one… 84 or 85… not 86…
5 ger // Mar 11, 2008 at 10:40 am
well then your 100% an asshole jeff!
6 Little Superstar // Mar 11, 2008 at 10:45 am
Uh I think it’s fairly obvious the guy who wrote it knows its not real ger. You get jokes?
7 John // Mar 11, 2008 at 10:45 am
Self deceit is worst than Cancer !!!
8 TorreswillneverplayforManUnited // Mar 11, 2008 at 11:18 am
Poor deluded United fans - acting like children in the face of defeat again.
It must really still rankle that Fernando Torres turned MUFC down, in order to join LFC.
United fans for years were smugly proclaiming that both Torres and Mascherano were United players-in-waiting.
And look at them now - happy and successful with your greatest rivals. That must smart..oh the jealousy! Hahaha!
9 mufcrules // Mar 11, 2008 at 12:51 pm
I am a manu fan and i dont and didnt want Torres at the club anyway, im not saying he’s not a good player but i prefer Tevez and Rooney anyday. You can keep Torres.
10 Matt // Mar 11, 2008 at 2:11 pm
”i prefer Tevez and Rooney anyday.”
haha, good choice, dumbass manc scum.
11 The Earl of Sunderland // Mar 11, 2008 at 5:50 pm
You guys should be on Newsnight with this level of debate. Paxman’s head would spin right off.
12 longhorn // Mar 11, 2008 at 5:58 pm
hilarious stuff!
13 SMICHAEL // Mar 12, 2008 at 3:16 am
That is hilarious, even though i am a huge liverpool fan, that was very funny.
14 JJ // Mar 12, 2008 at 11:10 am
Quite funny for a manc I have to say.
Have 5! (oh hang on you’ve only got two, ooopppps ;-)
15 Vallie // Mar 12, 2008 at 12:14 pm
That was funny!
I’m alslo a huge Liverpool fan, but i can’t do anything else than laugh after readging that story x’]
Next time you could wright one about C. Ronaldo, i really hate him xD
16 Vallie // Mar 12, 2008 at 12:15 pm
I meant also*
And again, a great story^^,
17 Vallie // Mar 12, 2008 at 12:18 pm
I’ve got some wrong words there xD
I meant also* and reading*
This was embarrasing xD
18 JJ // Mar 12, 2008 at 12:36 pm
What about ‘write’ instead of ‘wright.’ You sure you’re not a Manc? ;-)
19 ste // Mar 13, 2008 at 6:23 pm
u sad lil manc twat, bitter cos torres turned ya down for a BIGGER club! nob hed, get a fucking life
20 dan // Mar 24, 2008 at 9:11 pm
3-0 mates 3-0!
torres certainly was looking around old trafford blinded by the magnificent sight, and was staring at the back of ferdinands head for the whole game until he was subbed.
haha, liverpools a bigger club! lol! where the hell are liverpool in the league, i cant see them, their too far down!
21 Michael Gatt // Mar 24, 2008 at 11:47 pm
TorreswillneverplayforManUnited wrote about Torres and Mascherano going to Liverpool instead of United…
“United fans for years were smugly proclaiming that both Torres and Mascherano were United players-in-waiting.
And look at them now - happy and successful with your greatest rivals. That must smart..oh the jealousy! Hahaha!”
He’s right of course. They looked absolutely ecstatic and VERY successful at Old Trafford yesterday!!!
22 John // Mar 25, 2008 at 1:05 pm
I’m a Liverpool fan - but this is hilarious! - Then Stevie will nudge me and say “Come on Nando, we have to go back” - class.. you have to be able to laugh sometimes dont you?
23 aimee // Jun 15, 2008 at 7:09 pm
i’ve ordered this book
but i really dont get it.
:S
” some times i’d go to old trafford after training and dream of what could of been ”
i thought he wanted to go to liverpool soon as it said it on his captains armband for atletico madrid ?
24 torres luver // Jun 16, 2008 at 5:18 pm
torres is da best player in da world + hotter than gay boy ronaldo did u see him cry wen portugal lost final to greece lol fuckin kosovan cunt + suck yer dead dads cock twat head