Have Britain’s top celebrities grown sick of the taste of glitter?

It feels like David and Victoria Beckham have hardly been in LA for long enough to get the curtains up in the spare room, but if a report in OK! magazine is to be believed – and why wouldn’t it? – they are already suffering from that crippling syndrome that can hit celebrity and riff-raff alike: boredom.

“He’d be very happy if someone would buy out his Galaxy contract,” a source helpfully whispered to the magazine, as he would like to be closer to his family. Heaven knows the idea of five years of nitwit celebrities chewing your ear off about their silly projects is not one that anyone this side of sanity should be expected to endure, but while we’re on the subject of people in their right mind, who does he think is going to take over that NASA-sized contract?

Adding to the desire to return to the UK, the magazine also has the lady Victoria’s denim line underperforming by several million dollars, and “the change in Victoria’s fame status” isn’t helping. This is celebrity magazine talk for christ only knows what.

So let’s recap - they need some significant fame status adjustment, a market where dVb denimwear still counts for something and a new employer for David, ideally the sort of chap who doesn’t take much interest in checking the merchandise before shaking hands. Newcastle, this sounds like another one for you…