Ashley Cole splits the consensus (by around 90 per cent to 10) as to whether he’s the world’s biggest bastard, or blessed from on high.

His face when he was given a yellow card for attempted murder on an opponent’s leg told you all you need to know. He couldn’t believe it, in the same way that he couldn’t believe it when his pretty wife, Cheryl Cole, threw a massive strop, just because he’d dabbled with a bit of extra sex with some other girls. What is her problem?

She has, of course, since forgiven him for smearing his dirtied hands on another woman’s body (then being sick, and carrying on), and the pair have decided to start afresh in a dreamy countryside village. But careful, Cheryl, sometimes the clue can be in the name (pictured).

Have these people not seen Village of The Damned?