Just when you thought you couldn’t hate any more, along comes Ashley Cole brandishing the victim card, and a massive eruption of molten loathing goes off in your head.

Not content with humiliating his pretty wife by smearing his hamster-like hands all over numerous barmaids and glamour girls (including moderately popular Jakki Degg, pictured below), Cole has now decided that he should sue a load of tabloids for making him look bad.

The whisper is that the England defender was aghast that the women he was having irksome sexual intercourse with behind his wife’s back would dare go to the tabloids - they didn’t ask his permission! It’s a breach of trust, he insists, seemingly totally unaware that dabbling in sweaty love with strangers isn’t actually in the wedding vows.

He has demanded around £200,000 from The Sun for his troubles. Which, incidentally, might now include an estranged wife.

[Press Gazette with mad props to Kickette for finding the link]