Another day, and the chattering voices have been spluttering about transfers. Next season, it appears we can expect at least one more talented Spaniard in our ranks, someone with a weird name, and two of Tottenham’s finest might relocate to the Midlands…

Aaron Lennon and Tom Huddlestone to Aston Villa
Martin O’Neill has clearly been studying Alex Ferguson’s 1990s blueprints as he continues his quest to build a young English side. Next on the menu - Quickie and Fattie from Spurs?

David Villa to Arsenal
The wealthy pockets of Chelsea have demanded him, but Villa has been overheard gushing about how cool Arsenal are. Might Arsene be tempted to unlock his wallet for this one? Around £20 million would do it - that’s seven Adebayors in Wenger speak.

Peter Crouch to Tottenham
Should Berbatov wander off as expected in the summer, the talk is that some of the hurt will be soothed by the arrival of football’s tallest man - at eighteen feet, Mister Peter Crouch!

Charles N’Zogbia to West Ham
Matthew Etherington has been missing for months, and Luis Boa Morte has provided all the impact of an angry ant at a Elephant’s beatdown - might N’Zogbia solve their left-side issues?

Razak Omotoyossi to Manchester City
City fans demand firepower in their teams, and this impossible-to-pronounce forward has been playing ying to Henrik Larsson’s yang at Helsingborgs - he has scored twenty-three goals this season.

Rafael Van Der Vaart to Everton
Is this a lie? It sounds like a lie - is it a lie? etc…