The problem with women is that no one ever knows what they’re really up to. You return home from work with steaks wrapped in newspaper, and she tells you she’s had one hell of a day, what with this happening and that happening, and the hoover going berserk when the vicar was around. It feels like a web of lies, but she’s so damn pretty you daren’t say anything.

So, while Rooney was wasting his time in midfield last night, on a hiding to nowhere, was Coleen really toiling away, trying to get the house straight? Something tells us she was on a lilo in America, just floating around willy-nilly, probably on her mobile. Call it a hunch.