As ever, there was no time last night to revel in the joy of a Paul Scholes stonker, because while football is being played, behind the scenes people in dark suits are having business meetings, and those meetings are very important - they include “guesstimates” and “sushi”. Here’s what may or may not have been talked about in some of those sweaty deep-into-the-night think tanks:
Kamel Ghilas to Arsenal
Arsene Wenger’s team of dehydrated football forragers have once again resurfaced in their mining helmets with soil on their faces muttering like crazy people about an Algerian man called Kamel. At the moment he plays casual football for Portuguese side Vitoria Guimaraes, but next season he looks set to be entertaining Arsenal crowds, who love sexual football and Cesc Fabregas.
Antonio Valencia and Wilson Palacios to Manchester United
Yes, Ferguson will be on the hunt for bright young talents, currently dominating other first teams, to strengthen his reserves, and these two might be just the ticket. They do it week in, week out for Wigan, but can they do it perhaps once every three/four months for United when Nani, Anderson, Carrick, Hargreaves, Scholes, Ronaldo, Giggs, O’Shea, and Fletcher are all injured? Or it’s the Carling Cup?
Darren Fletcher to Wigan
Ahhh, but talking of midfielders and Man United and Wigan and transfers, how about Darren Fletcher finally getting the hint that no one wants him around any more and going to Wigan? Yeah, that’d be a great idea. And the fantastic news for Darren is that Steve Brucie likes the look of him.
Denilson to Everton
You’d think that with Mikel Arteta, Tim Cahill, Steven Pienaar and Manuel Fernandes, the Toffees would be happy with their midfield, but oh no. They want to steal an Arsenal reserve. Bad move, friends - remember Richard Wright? No, nor does he.
Lee Carsley to Blackburn
At 34, Lee Carsley should really be thinking about investing in a sensible car, or siring some kindly children to continue the family legacy. Instead there is talk of him plying his wares back in Blackburn like it’s 1999/2000 all over again.
Jason Scotland to Derby
Paul Jewell is preparing for life in the Championship by splashing out £2 million on a successful League 1 striker. Yeah, good luck with that.
15 responses so far
1 dunc // Apr 30, 2008 at 11:20 am
You’re a stupid prick and a pathetic journalist. Keep your opinions to yourself, twat.
2 Charlie // Apr 30, 2008 at 11:32 am
Not even factually correct - Jason Scotland is a midfielder!
3 jay // Apr 30, 2008 at 11:47 am
you can’t even spell foreigners !! you dick head!!
learn how to spell first before you start writing anything!! did you skip kidergaten?
4 sam // Apr 30, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Jay its kindergarten, not kidergaten.
5 RedbyDawn // Apr 30, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Pretty sure dickhead is one word ‘n all.
Here’s one for ya;
Mario Balotelli - Inter to Liverpool.
6 scott // Apr 30, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Jay, if you are refering to the arsenal bit, when you said the guy cant spell foreigners, then you are half correct.
He was actually trying to spell Foragers as in Foraging for berries, or in this case, arsenal scouts Foraging for new young talent.
7 daniel // Apr 30, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Jay, did you skip kindergarten, it’s not kindegaten
8 Shane // Apr 30, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Scotland must be an amazing midfielder if he scored 29 goals this season, not to mention the Swansea website calls him a striker and he wears the No 9 jersey.
Think you’ve made a mistake there Charlie boy.
9 wolfman // Apr 30, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Jay, not jumping on the bandwagon, but did you really go to a kindergarten where they taught you how to spell “foreigner” in class? At mine we just jumped around and played chess.
10 Dusty // Apr 30, 2008 at 1:03 pm
jay you are a cunt, dont mug my mate off
11 slim // Apr 30, 2008 at 3:21 pm
daniel did u skip kindergaden you dont know how to read he wrote kidergaten not kindegaten.
12 paul walsh // Apr 30, 2008 at 6:42 pm
why wud any player move from the home of football to murky liverpool it wud be bad enough the first team but liverpools rejects anon (everton) na i cant see denilson doin it
13 Rupert // May 1, 2008 at 7:03 am
Proves what I’ve always said about what results when you give a moron a computer.
14 Wilshire // May 2, 2008 at 7:06 am
You are pretty bias aren’t you? You are obviously a United fans because you slag Arsenal off at every opportunity and speak oh so adoringly about United, a disgraceful club.
15 francis benard // May 2, 2008 at 11:57 am
we need new players