Newcastle boss believes the traditional handshake is so passé

As Harry Enfield’s ‘Big Bob Joylove’ proved beyond reasonable doubt, nothing endears you to a rival, colleague or casual acquaintance quite like a good pat on the face.

Kevin Keegan is a strong advocate of palm-to-cheek affection, and has been avoiding the handshakes of players and managers up and down the country since his nineties prime.

Take a look at the inspirational gallery below and remember - why shake someone’s hand when you could invade their personal space?

Victim: Wenger

Victim: Keane

Victim: Grant

Victim: Venables

Victim: Jihai

Victim: Vialli

Victim: Owen

Victim: Benarbia

Victim: Megson

Victim: Fowler

Victim: Duff

(Imminent) victim: Given

The real victim: himself