Fulham to perform a Houdini-like escape this Sunday

As with the internet, the car and oxygen itself, it is now hard to imagine what life was like before the Apprentice. Not only does it make everything else on television look like the work of half-witted amateurs, but it has come to explain everything about modern life. The state of the economy? Small wonder it’s in such chaos if the business world is run on such pure incompetence. The war in Iraq? How can we hope to understand its complexities if the country’s most educated people can’t even begin to guess which religion eats kosher food? Boris Johnson becoming mayor of London? These people are brought to a state of frozen panic when asked to correctly place an apostrophe on a greetings card - what does that say about their decision making abilities? And so to the final day of the Premier League season, which Sir Alan neatly anticipated by firing two people. This weekend, two teams will be ejected from the top table. Like the Apprentice, there will be a lot of angry finger pointing, but moan as much as they like, two red-faced losers will be strapping themselves bitterly into the taxi of relegation, still none the wiser as to where it all went wrong.

The Spoiler believes Fulham will survive at the weekend. Disagree? Then bet against it!

The statistics

* Reading face Derby on Sunday, who are without a win in 31 league games, and regardless of the result will be the worst team in Premier League history.

* Birmingham are the only one of the three to be finishing the season at home where they have lost just one of their 11 league games under Alex McLeish.

* Fulham travel to Fratton Park, where they last won in 2000. The Cottagers have only won three straight league games once since 2001.

For more relegation betting information and permutations, visit chickendinner