While Steven Gerrard can be found whimpering on the streets of Liverpool, seriously disgruntled because his club won’t spend enough money on new friends for him, over in the AC quarter of Milan, rumour would suggest that money is swilling around like expensive sparkling wine in a Jermain Defoe bathtub.

Starting from the back, the Italian giants have been linked with Chelsea’s bemasked goal stopper Petr Cech - supposedly the planet’s most beguiling keeper. In front of him, they’re looking to poach France’s Willy Sagnol from Bayern Munich, as well as the Italian crowd pleaser Gianluca Zambrotta, who used to ply his wares so well at Juve before morphing into a less convincing wingback at Barcelona.

Already the midfield is due to be starring Arsenal’s Mathieu Flamini, and should AC and Barca agree a fee, Ronaldinho will be desperately searching for his forgotten form in the shiny Italian hills. Others with their names thrown into the ring are Valencia’s resident speedster Joaquin, and a tiny little Argentinean gentleman called Lionel Messi.

Up front is where it starts to get even sillier. Should all rumour come true, AC Milan will be looking at Didier Drogba - today adamant that Milan will be his next home - to partner either Andriy Shevchenko (likely and keen to return), Dimitar Berbatov, or Emmanuel Adebayor. That’s a forward line up to challenge the recent Spurs dream team (Defoe, Bent, Keane, Berbatov) - fingers crossed they can be equally as dazzling and brilliant.

And who would be managing such a gorgeous contingent? Jose Mourinho, of course.