Russian has strange taste in nice things

It seems that Roman Abramovich has the same eye for beautiful art that he uses to create beautiful football. All the ingredients are there - naked women, lovely sofa, great artist. And yet, to the normal working man, Lucien Freud’s Benefits Supervisor Sleeping looks like a podgy woman having a kip, not a £17 million gem. Much in the same way that the Chelsea team can look like eleven brilliant players all dancing to a different beat.

Amongst the yachts and gorgeous girlfriends, it seems that the Chelsea loan-shark has a secret love of the uglier things in life.

With that in mind, Mr Abramovich, here’s some more art you could throw millions at and depress yourself with:

Bacchus, Rubens (1638)

Painted by Peter Paul Rubens during the Baroque period, you’ll notice that, like the lady in the Freud painting, Bacchus (God of wine) is absolutely horrible to look at. He has a drooping set of male breasts, and the look of a disgruntled milkman. Worth absolutely millions of pounds, it would look disgusting in the lounge.

Judith Beheading Holofernes, Caravaggio (1598)

If you look very closely, you’ll see that this painting features a woman slicing a man’s head off with some kind of sword/knife. Its creator, Caravaggio, was known for his ability to contrast darkness with pools of light - a fact which makes this brutal work of murder no easier to stomach. Ideal for above the Abramovich bed, he’d have to nick it from Galleria Nazionale d’Arte Antica in Rome. Good luck with that.