Tough guy midfielder measured for denim

Ahh, the race was on, and Barton won it. Every year, as soon as the Premier League season finishes, the players dash home, throw all of their stuff into a bag and zoom off to unwind somewhere lovely - the big question is who will get away first? And where the hell will they go?

Often they’ll head off to a dreamy beach hut or a luxury villa. But in the case of Newcastle United enforcer, Joey Barton, he’s chosen to spend his summer languishing behind bars wondering if it was really worth punching that teenager in the face outside McDonalds back in December. Chances are it wasn’t.

That said, it all seems very convenient that his sentencing took place right at the end of the season, and, as anyone who’s ever read a newspaper article about jail knows, six months doesn’t really mean six months. It means, like, three months or something. Which, yes, would take us right up to about the beginning of next term. Hmmm, something smells a little bit fishy, and it’s not just Rick Stein’s breath.

Have fun in Chokey, Barton. Say hi to Arthur Fowler!