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When bogged down with manly things like football talk and chainsmoking, The Spoiler likes to secretly kick back and unwind by seriously studying Eurovision betting markets - there is a lot of money to be made.

Our source in Serbia (this year’s host nation) reports back that Ireland missed out on getting to the finals last night, because they couldn’t figure out how to control their puppet turkey without the rest of Europe seeing some sweaty old puppeteer in the background. Our foreign pals were not amused.

But the really big news is that the favourite - the Russian entry, Dima Bilan - look likely to come somewhat unstuck, thanks to various nasal issues that drive him to the brink of mania. Being surrounded by legions of crazy face-painted Europeans have forced him back into the arms of his sniffy demons. Big time.

Hence, the field has been blown wide open, and if the people who hear things (important things) are to be believed, this year’s winner might yet be a Ukrainian gentlewoman called Ani Lorak (pictured).

Here she is in action.