Forget about your worries with today’s transfer rumours… then go back to your worries

Wow, what a dramatic night. For those who missed it for whatever reason, Raef went, and that smarmy little Michael character lives to fight another boardroom. Gutted.

Today’s transfers are very enticing…

Carlos Tevez to Manchester United
Anyone who understands the situation here is a genius. In short, the man who United signed last summer is waiting to be signed by United. What?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Um, okay.

Aaron Ramsay to Manchester United
Just as one tricky Welsh winger begins his slow ride into the sunset, another one turns up in a massive pram.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Get ready for decades of Giggs/Ramsay comparison, which is fine at first, but by the time Alan Shearer has mentioned it for the eight zillionth time on MOTD, you just want to grab the silly pundit by what’s left of his hair and repeatedly plunge his face into glass coffee table, not stopping until you are absolutely sure that either a. he’s dead, or b. he’s got the message.

Hossan Ghaly to Blackburn
What? No, come on, this is just stupid… oh, okay, apparently (APPARENTLY) Mark Hughes is interested in Ghaly. There, now it’s been said.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Weeping.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic to Chelsea
As one man with “movic” making up part of his surname slopes out of the rear exit, word has it that this guy will be bounding in through the front.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Unconvinced.