All today’s transfers in a scroll down listy thing

Think about it: Italian men always seem to be wearing hair product, they probably look at us and wonder why we don’t bother. Well, riddle over, Italian friends - you obviously haven’t heard of something called rain. It’s a watery substance that Ricardo Carvalho can give a talk on next season when he’s at Inter. Perhaps by way of introduction? Oh, and speaking of transfers…

Ricardo Carvalho to Inter Milan
Like an obedient young robot, wherever Mourinho goes, Carvalho is programmed to follow. Luckily for him, that means paying a visit to the food capital of pizza and chips - Italy.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Who could say no to Jose?

Shaun Wright-Phillips to Portsmouth
Portsmouth are willing to fork out £10 million on Shaun Wright-Phillips, whose only skill is to run fast. Harry, you could get Dwain Chambers for a bag of drugs and a quid.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Likely

Damien Duff, Stephen Hunt and Aiden McGeady to Sunderland
Once again, it appears that Roy Keane has been doing his research in Galway pubs. To be sure etc…

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: They’re Irish, they’re in

Wayne Hennessey to Arsenal
Wales has a rich history in brilliant goalkeepers. You’ve got Neville Southall… now this guy. So, um, yeah.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: It doesn’t technically break the no-English rule

Aliaksandr Hleb to Barcelona
It seems Hleb’s SOS plea has filtered into Barcelona. Imagine, he could line up alongside Messi, Henry, Eto’o and every other attacking player in the world. How could it ever fail?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Barca are rebuilding, and what better foundation than a spaghetti-legged hot-and-cold-blowing furnace.