Today’s transfer rumours, written out with words and punctuation

According to a Spurs message board, Anton Ferdinand and ‘one un-named Spanish bloke’ are due to be having a medical with the North London club today. The ‘Spanish bloke’, according to Spoiler reader and ‘Tottenham inside man’ Paul T, is Sevilla’s Diego Capel, and the cost will be around £12m.

Elsewhere, it seems like the transfer rumblings at rudderless Chelsea will never cease. Shevchenko is calling the shots once more…

Deco to Chelsea
It appears that Andriy Shevchenko has told Roman Abramovich and Peter Kenyon to go out and buy Deco, but his nemesis Jose Mourinho wants to bring him to Inter Milan.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Value diminished this season

Frank Lampard to Inter
Obviously not the first time you’ve heard this one but now Don Fabio has stuck his two lira in by claiming the move could make Lampard a better player.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’d miss kissing his Chelsea badge too much

Jo to AC Milan
The Daily Star claim that Manchester City’s UEFA Cup rivals are planning to hijack their move for the Brazilian striker, of which negotiations are apparently still dragging on.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Who could trust a paper that puts Danielle Lloyd on its cover every day?

Stewart Downing to Liverpool
We’re really confused. Rafa Benitez has signed just four English players for the first team in four years and none have been that successful - now he can’t get enough?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Can’t imagine an all-English midfield of Downing-Barry-Gerrard-Milner-Pennant next season.

Joao Moutinho to Everton
The Toffees are being linked with a £16 million bid for this exciting, young foreigner. Did Everton and Liverpool swap managers or something?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Looks like Everton mean business

Andy van der Meyde to Red Bull
It has just come to light that van der Meyde is indeed still at Goodison Park, he’s just spent the last decade or two out injured but now the Austrian runners-up are ready to take a punt.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Expects a late bid from West Ham