That’s right, your eyes did NOT deceive you!

When the Lord God put together the blueprints for Serena Williams, his loyal angels probably thought that was it, this time he really has gone crazy. A statuesque body with a womanly bosom? It can’t be done. Athletes should look like Heike Drechsler - hairy and unappealing - whilst buxom women should be more like Pam Anderson or Sam Fox - aggressively blonde and a bit stupid.

But no, Williams has redefined what it is to look like a herculean athlete, yet still be a buxom gentlewoman. Unfortunately, when she opens her mouth, out comes the strange sound of a Moog keyboard on a bad setting. It’s all in the details, God. All in the details. Speaking of which, here’s why she won’t win Wimbledon…

1. On the two occasions that Serena Williams won Wimbledon she had already won either the Australian or French Open.

2. The last three Grand Slam winners - Justine Henin, Maria Sharapova and Ana Ivanovic - all come from Europe.

3. On the last two occasions an American has failed to win the Australian Open - 2004 and 2006 - there have been no American Grand Slam winners all year.

4. Serena’s Wimbledon form has gone downhill since her three successive finals between 2002 and 2004. In 2005 she went out in the third round, in 2006 she didn’t compete and in 2007 she only reached the quarters.

5. It is now five years since Serena Williams last won any Grand Slam other than the Australian Open.

6. Wimbledon isn’t the Grand Slam Serena performs best at. Wimbledon accounts for 25% of her Grand Slam successes compared to 67% for sister Venus.

7. Despite winning three WTA tournaments this year, Serena is only fourth in the WTA Race rankings, mainly because of her underperformance at Grand Slams.

8. Serena hasn’t reached the semis of any of her last five Grand Slams and at Roland Garros exited pitifully in the third round.

For more on Wimbledon go to Chickendinner