Can you spot Lampsie? There he is!

Whoever has been spreading nasty rumours about what footballers get up to once the season’s over should go and eat a massive chunk of humble pie, because not all of them sit in their pants demanding cocktails and oral sex. Some of them actually do classy things.

Yesterday, The Spoiler unfairly mocked Michael Owen, just because he thought it appropriate to leave the house dressed like The Great Gatsby, and today, Frank Lampard has been spotted shining his oily legs on a luxury yacht in sundrenched Ibiza - the beautiful island of drugs. If you didn’t know he was a football player, you’d think he was a snazzy businessman or a record producer. You show them, Lampsie!

And, in other exciting what-are-they-up-to news, Lineker went to Ascot with his girlfriend (Danielle Bux), who may or may not have been wearing a bra. We haven’t looked.