Tomorrow’s headlines today

If, like The Spoiler, you have trouble sleeping at night because you’re far too excited about what might happen in the morning, help has finally arrived. We’ve simply taken tomorrow’s big news, and brought it forward a day. Here’s what would have accompanied your breakfast were you not reading it now…

Robinho demands a pay rise
Should Ronnie Wood’s wife ever forgive him for running off with a Russian teen, she will be making some pretty hefty marriage demands. It’s what women do. Women… and Robinho. Now that the whole torrid affair with Ronaldo is out in the open, Robinho is demanding that Real Madrid give him double his wages, buy him some nice underwear and take him on that dirty weekend they always promised. Else he’s definitely going to do it with Chelsea.

Liverpool left in limbo
Juventus have completed the signing of Sevilla’s Christian Poulsen, prompting president Giovanni Cobolli Gigli to boldly declare that “unless something extraordinary happens, we have concluded our transfer activity.” Words which made Xabi Alonso’s heart miss a beat. Does this mean Rafa will be keeping him after all? And if so, what the hell is Barry going to do?

Lamps will demand Inter move
All the hipper kids - Barry, Ronaldo - don’t bother with transfer requests any more. It’s, like, so Jermain Defoe in 2003. Even so, the Italian press are completely convinced that Lampsie is going to go the traditional route and ask for a legal divorce, so that he can start his career afresh with Inter.

Adriano Galliani meets Joan Laporta
The Milan and Barcelona chiefs met at a restaurant near the Nou Camp today to talk all things buck-toothed and Ronaldinho. Man City will probably get over the disappointment when they notice that he doesn’t actually play football any more.

Englishman makes Turkey fashionable
Is it just a coincidence that twelve months after Colin Kazim-Richards moved to Fenerbahce, Turkey is suddenly the place to be? The short answer is “yes it is a coincidence”. But even so, it’s very a la mode, with Euro 2008’s award winning coach, Luis Aragones, and La Liga’s top-scorer, Dani Guiza, both joining Fenerbahce. Whoever next?