For those who missed the ESPY Awards…

Ask a modern footballer a simple question like “tea or coffee?”, and their reply is always the same: “just get me the most expensive one.” Nine times out of ten, that’ll be the coffee. Yet, by the looks of Cristiano Ronaldo at yesterday’s ESPY Awards in California, when it comes to crutches, you can just give him the nearest set. No diamonds encrusting the handles, no platinum tip - the guy didn’t even bother emblazoning his own name down the side! Begging the question: what the hell has happened to Ronaldo? Has he completely given up on life?

Elsewhere at the awards, Beckham could be found laughing hysterically at a tall lady (after the jump). Look at her, she’s huge! What is she? A basketball player or something?…. oh, apparently she is a basketball player. Called Candace Parker.

It’s less funny now.