WARNING! Some of these men are old enough to be your brother…

At 66-years-old, Sir Alex Ferguson still knows how to ruffle some feathers and get some backs up. Just this morning he studied the horizon to make sure Scholes and Giggs were out of earshot, and then let rip at Chelsea for being a bunch of bleeding pensioners. The Spoiler is, of course, paraphrasing. But it was a bit like that.

Here’s the big question: How would this team of doddering old fools get on against the younger bucks? Pretty well, we think…

GK Shay Given (32, Newcastle)
Aww, we remember little Seamus when he was just a fresh faced little bunny rabbit playing for Newcastle United, and now look at him - absolutely the same. It’s like the man sleeps in Oil of Olay (or Ulay to people in their 30s). One of the best around.

DL William Gallas (30, Arsenal)
Yes, the snappy defender would probably have one of his toddler tantrums about having to play left back, but it was either him or Phil Neville, and we’re not going to make that mistake again. Just do as you’re told, Gallas, you idiot.

DC Jamie Carragher (30, Liverpool)
Contrary to how it sounds, when Jamie Carragher stands in front of you snorting, hacking and clearing his throat, he’s actually speaking. Thankfully, his on-field communication is much less foggy. A hero.

DC Ricardo Carvalho (30, Chelsea)
Don’t be fooled by the men at Chelsea with Terry’s face tattooed onto their faces to show appreciation, the real star of the Chelsea back line is this elderly gentleman from Portugal.

DR Lucas Neill (30, West Ham)
He might look fat and completely lacking in spatial awareness, but he’s brilliant. The actual words of a West Ham fan (not the author).

ML Ryan Giggs (34, Man United)
Where AC Milan have Paolo Maldini, 68, flying their flag, Man United have Ryan Giggs - a football player so tired and decrepit, but with feet still as nimble as they were when he was just 33.

MC Michael Ballack (31, Chelsea)
They say wine gets better with age, and they’re right. Unfortunately footballers don’t, although Ballack has been steadily improving at Chelsea. Now probably more important than Lampsie, who makes the bench (below).

MC Paul Scholes (33, Man United)
Just about every footballer who’s ever played with him breaks down in tears because he’s so good. A flame-haired inspiration to ginger asthmatics all over the world.

MR Freddie Ljungberg (31, West Ham)
As one of the world’s most successful underwear models, Freddie uses football to keep in shape. Not the same hungry maniac from his Arsenal days, but still very peckish.

FC Didier Drogba (30, Chelsea)
While his behaviour often has more in common with a disgruntled teenager, Drogba is actually a grown man in his 30s, and - through gritted teeth - a fantastic footballer.

FC Benni McCarthy (30, Blackburn)
Lest we ever forget, Benni was the second top scorer in the Premier League the year before Ronaldo went bananas and started thwacking them in for fun. Excellent striker. Just excellent.

Subs

Deco (30), Frank Lampard (30), Nwankwo Kanu (31), Mark Viduka (32), Gary Neville (33), Sol Campbell (33), David James (74)