Eat your heart out, football genius!

We can’t emphasise this enough - The Spoiler knows more about women than is healthy. We can read signals, body language and tell-tale signs of inner fury like Columbo cracking a case. The tears, the sullen moods, the angry letters - these are all obvious unhappy signals, but before you even go there, look for the subtle stuff. Observe Nereida Gallardo.

She’s already been caught removing her bikini top, exposing her actual naked flesh to the world - her way of making Ronaldo livid. And now she’s been seen planting soft kisses on another gentleman’s face. To all the world it looks like the innocent beginnings of a new relationship, until you study it a little closer (below).

By the hunk’s expression, it’s obvious that he has no idea who she is, nor what the hell she is doing. He’s just trying to enjoy a hot afternoon pootling around on his water motorbike. The lady has gone totally bananas.

Watch your backs, people. Watch your backs.

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